For centuries, social scientists have been attempting to use puns to define human nature. A revolutionary field of thought, called Caskology, can help determine your best paths of action, most compatible lovers, and how often you should shower. These 5 easy questions will get you on the path towards digging up the jewels of self-discovery: 1. In which city were you born? A. San Francisco B. Charleston C. None of these D. Cleveland E. Chicago F. Florida. Some city in Florida G. New Orleans H. Houston I. Montreal, or maybe St. Louis J. Milwaukee K. Boston L. New York City 2. Which of the following best describes you? A. A lone soul, isolated on a rocky shoal. You have immense treasure to share if someone would just care enough to look deep inside you, but alas, no one ever will B. A monument to the worst atrocities of man C. A washed-out shell, trying desperately to swim to safety despite having no legs and heavy metal skin D. 2/3 horse E. Fashionably haberdashed, to the point of incurring severe neck injuries F. Immortal, yet stuck atop a cliff for eternity with no way of getting down G. A monster trying to hide beind a mask H. Always dropping important things I. An indecipherable blob of what you used to be J. Gender fluid K. The cause of all the evil in the world L. A lost bird, trying desperately to find your origins but failing to fit in 3. What is this? A. An ornate staircase railing B. A palm tree C. Two arms extended D. A hybrid of four different statues E. An exact representation of the state of Illinois F. A tall tree G. The seconds hand of a clock H. Train tracks seen straight-on from a great distance I. The river next to Montreal J. A forest of birch trees K. Two C's L. A shadowboxing lion 4. Where are life's most valuable treasures kept? A. The heart. But slightly off-center so as to piss off my OCD ex B. The black, empty void of death C. Loins. Let's just leave it at that D. Under the walls of our emotions E. In priceless jewelery F. In youth G. In the passage of time H. Just lying around, wherever I. In the mind J. The most valuable treasures never rest K. Fairies stole them L. The bottom of the ocean, like that famous ship, the USS Maine 5. When your back is against the wall, how do you react: A. Stand your ground, stoically B. Try to strangle yourself C. Hide D. Drink E. Put the wall on your head F. Cause your shadow to disappear for stealth purposes G. Turn into a werewolf H. Drop all your valuables while your lower half becomes soaked I. Unleash a series of offensive and cryptic hand gestures J. Juggle more than your share of responsibilities K. Blame everything on mischievous fairies L. Transform everything into a well-organized but utterly incomprehensible set of diagrams SCORING: Whichever letter you chose most is your score. If there was a tie for the most common letter, you need to try tunneling harder. A. You are Cask 1. Dark and inscrutable, you have a lot to offer the world, but only your closest confidants ever get to see it. You need a tailor. B. You are Cask 2 Your life is a constant push-pull of seeking your dreams, yet feeling inadequate for your past transgressions. When you stare into the void long enough, you end up leaving your diamond behind. Please stop throwing your rocks into our void. C. You are Cask 3 Always an outsider, your life structure ebbs and flows like the tide itself. However, you run the constant risk that this lack of solid boundaries could cut off an important detail. D. You are Cask 4 You like life's events to be neatly tied up and black-and-white, even if it means piecing together parts to make an acceptable narrative. Also, you constantly find yourself at the end of a long spiritual journey, only to come up short because you did the final step completely backwards. E. You are Cask 5 Your life is a constant race to keep up appearances. This is due to a deep-seated belief that you are flawed. You also regularly feel like watching basketball, even though that seems like a ridiculously random detail. F. You are Cask 6 Feet on the earth, head in the clouds. You have the ability to achieve the impossible, but attempting to do so regularly puts you in irreversibly difficult situations. G. You are Cask 7 You just want to party and have a good time. Unfortunately, your good time frequently comes at the expense of others. You have an animal tattoo in a hard-to-see spot. H. You are Cask 8 You followed what you thought was the one true path your whole life, only to discover it led to an emotional desert. Your lucky number is 982 I. You are Cask 9 You are sage and of few words. People constantly seek you for advice, yet then complain that you are impossible to comprehend. You live in constant fear of not having a readily available surface to play checkers. J. You are Cask 10 Life feels like a never-ending race to keep all of your balls in the air. Your hair is a living work of art. K. You are Cask 11 Warm and full of love, you often find your desire to please leads to your own downfall. Cask 11's get along best with casks 2, 5, 9, and Italians L. You are Cask 12 Your defining period was childhood, when a bird dropped you off in the middle of the ocean. Life has been filled with stumbling blocks, most of which have come from your own failure to recognize the limitations of yourself and your dress So, WHICH CASK ARE YOU? Share your results, and form arbitraily-standoffish cliques with similarly-numbered posters!

BEST.POST.EVER! Okay folks, time to go home now. Nothing more to see here.

Btw I got Cask 4, so that’s the best one

Thank you drunknerds. Your work here has been excellent. I am cask 6.

erexere wrote:: I am cask 6. It's true, you're such a C6!

Wait, what happened to Bingo calling us crazy? That was such a C10 thing to say!

BEST. POST.EVER... reminded me of those silly corporate games they make us play that supposedly define your leadership style... thanks drunknerds. We needed this post. Regards, Mac

Definitely cask 10! ... Yup

By the way, if you liked this, I just wrote a 10,000 word "What NFL Team Are You?" personality quiz. It changes slightly each time you take it. https://footballabsurdity.com/2018/04/1 ... lity-type/

if only you put this much effort into solving a damn puzzle! these are clever hehe. should add something about considering yourself a model for the rest to SF lol. XD

anus905 wrote:: if only you put this much effort into solving a damn puzzle! these are clever hehe. should add something about considering yourself a model for the rest to SF lol. XD Hey, thanks! That means a lot.